I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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