I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
