i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
