She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
