I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
