6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you would pick up someone in the library
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
