You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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