I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
The uberlube is also flammable
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
