How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
