After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
