you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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