....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
