youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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