You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
