obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
