and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
