its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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