Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You pole danced in your parka.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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