"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
