I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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