so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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