Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
don't judge my taste in strippers
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
