dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
