My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
