You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
