I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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