i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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