I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
