I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
May the power of my ass compel you!!
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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