She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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