FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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