The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
