i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
This is my gift to your gina
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
