So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
