Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
