Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
