I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
