So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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