Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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