So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
