they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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