the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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