I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
