I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
