we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Randomize
