He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
