hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
