Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
