Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
