i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
